The Texas Union Movement
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JULY 13, 1861.] HARPER'S WEEKLY. 435 (Previous Page) must be governed by the fact. If we see a Government holding its own for a long time, the common courtesy and habit of nations require that we should welcome her to the rights of a self-existing Power. Of course we take the risk of your wrath. —A la bonne heure ! - So long as we show by the success of our arms that this is a rebellion, and that we are suppressing it, so long England will cry, "All's well!" But if the rebellion maintains its full proportions for a long time, England and the World will treat it as a question of fact, not of principle. A WORD FROM ENGLAND.A PRIVATE letter to the Lounger from a friend long resident in England confirms the general view of the English position toward us taken by Harper's Weekly. " You fire off a gun at England (though you understand her better than some people), and at the same time there comes a volley from Paris (an American meeting there), and a sort of explosion, it appears, from the entire North. 'Tis too violent and explosive, as I and my beloved American kin are apt to be. You have discovered that, perhaps, ere now; though you may not be quite satisfied, and perhaps never will be, with England's conduct in the matter. I am in a better situation than any of you to see both sides, and I wish I had written you by that mail. Perhaps I might have lessened your disturbance. " Pray understand me. I do not mean to justify the tone of most of the Times' articles. I went about with suppressed indignation (expressed in a proper manner upon proper occasions) at them for some time. Nor have I quite recovered therefrom, although I am beginning to hope just a little for something better. But I do not think the action of the Government could well have been other than it has been, as yet, considering the extreme ignorance and uncertainty afloat as to the nature of the United States Federation. " Perhaps even on a full admission of the Union doctrine England could hardly have avoided recognizing the South as belligerents (not as a nation). I am not competent to express an opinion upon that question. "Are you disposed to grumble at the English decision to admit the prizes of neither party to her ports, home or colonial? If so, let us all wait a while, and see what comes of the Seward proposition to admit the Treaty of Paris. I discover no sign, as yet, of the reception it is to have. For some time, certainly until the state and prospects of war have declared themselves more plainly in the States, England will strive her utmost, as is natural, to keep neutral. Her interference in any active way on the side of the South is scarcely possible. As a friend of mine remarked, any such attempt would almost create a civil war here too." WHAT " ONCE A WEEK" SAYS.OF all the English journals none has so clear and just a view of our affairs as Once a Week. In each number there is a summary of news called " Last Week," and in the number for June 8th there is such sensible talk as this : "The letters of the Times correspondent were the most interesting of all the dispatches from the other side of the Atlantic. It is true he can not tell us much from the difficulty of his position. In the Crimea and in India he was at home in camp or bungalow. In the slaveholding part of America he is necessarily, in great measure, a guest. He obtains his information through the courtesy of hosts, and he can neither disclose their counsels nor criticise their cause. But he tells us something, and in no other way can we learn any thing from the interior of the seceding States." The fact that he was their guest need not surely have prevented his criticising their cause. As the reporter of a leading newspaper detailed to get information, he had no right to accept courtesies that prevented his doing his duty. And no gentleman supposes that because he invites another gentleman to dinner he thereby binds him to approve all his opinions and acts, at least none except slaveholding gentlemen. Once a Week continues : " Two things of importance could he learned from his letters last week. ['His' refers to W. H. Russell, LL.D., Barristerat-Law.] It is plain that there must be an end of all talk of a dissolution of the Union being a result of democratic government. The thoroughly aristocratic character of the hitherto dominant party and its policy is plain enough now to the most hasty talkers on American affairs. The other point is— that we were longing to know—the effect produced on the mood of the secessionists by the news of the uprising of the North at the President's summons. Now that the leaders are known to admit that their menaces of Washington and their vaunts of floating their flag from Fanueil Hall were ' a feint,' the world will set a proper value on all their future threats and boastings." Again : "As for their cotton resource, there remains for them [the rebels] the painful discovery that the world is learning to do without their staple—taught by themselves to look elsewhere for a supply." It alludes also to the news of privateers offering from New England ports, but apparently without reflecting that Mr. Russell had no other authority for the statement than "the highest"-which, in this case, must of course have been Mr. Jefferson Davis. Or was this piece of news one of the " tamperings" with his letters of which Mr. Russell complained at Cairo ?" HUMORS OF THE DAY.To CURE POVERTY.—Sit down and growl about it. By so doing you'll be sure to get rich, and make yourself particularly agreeable to every body. Why was Bonaparte's horse like his master?—Because he had a martial neigh. PONTIFF AND PRINCE. The Pope can never go astray In morals or in faith, they say ; His word as Gospel men may take ; 'Tis always right, and no mistake. By grace divine from error, sure As eggs are eggs, is he secure ; His Bulls, from blunders wholly free, Bespeak Infallibility. Far clearer than the lynx, he sees Right through the cloudiest mysteries; And all conceptions of his pate Are, in so far, immaculate. But though he is so wondrous wise In all that Reason can't comprise, His Holiness is grossly dense, And purblind as to Common Sense. Grant that he could pronounce a Saint Originally free from taint, And can as certainly decide This soul or that beatified: However, he could not predict That Lamoriciere 'd be licked, And faithful blood be shed in vain His earthly kingdom to maintain. The wearer of the Triple Hat, In dogma safe, should stick to that; In State affairs too near a fool, Should abdicate his mundane rule. By all means let him, if he please, Retain the Apostolic Keys, Only the Royal power forego To lock up sinners here below. Oh! would he but contented be With spiritual sovereignty, In peace he would possess his own, Nor want Zouaves to guard his throne. Come, Pius, do the proper thing, Stand forth all Bishop; sink the King. Send your French janizaries home; And yield to Caesar Caesar's Rome. SIMPLICITY OF THE DIVISION OF LABOR. INDULGENT HUSBAND. "How is it your never do any work now ? I don't think I have seen you with a needle and thread in your hands for weeks and weeks together." INDOLENT WIFE (lolling luxuriantly on the sofa). " Yes, my dear, it is true ; but then there is no necessity for it, since you were kind enough to buy me that wonderful WHEELER & WILSON Sewing Machine." INDULGENT HUSBAND. "By-the-by, who works that, I should like to know? I think I saw you using it once, when first it was brought home, and that is all." INDOLENT WIFE. "Oh! my dear, I get Jane, the nursery-maid, to attend to it. She rocks the cradle with one foot, and works the pedal with the other. I can assure you she is quite expert at it, and I really believe that the noise sends the baby to sleep. And, moreover, it gives me greater time to read." [Takes up French novel, and is soon lost in the mysteries of demimondane life.
GIVING CHASE WITH BILLY LULY.—The following anecdote is strictly true. It is contained in a letter from a young gentleman who went out in a vessel for St. Thomas: "We were chased by a privateer off King's Channel, on Sunday morning. The villain was close in under land, in a small sloop, with about twenty-five men. When he discovered us we were nearly becalmed. He gave chase and came down very fast on us. I thought there was no chance to escape but by stratagem, and having on board a man whom I could metamorphose into any thing, I said to the captain that he had better make a gun of Billy Luly, and give chase in turn. We accordingly went to work, put a black cap on Billy's head, stretched him fore and aft on the keel of the boat, with a rope made fast to his heels, so that we could slide him on the centre of gravity freely, and pointed his head to the enemy. Having rigged up a ' long Tom,' the next thing was to fire it; and this we did by discharging a pistol into a barrel, and raising a smoke by throwing ashes into the air. The trick succeeded—the sloop tacked and made off; we hauled on a wind and pursued her close in under the land, then tacked ship and stood into St.. Thomas. Thus were twenty-five men driven off by four. A lady who had received severe bite in her arm from a dog went to Mr. Abernethy, but knowing his aversion to hearing any statement of particulars, she merely uncovered the injured part, and held it before him in silence. After looking at it an instant, he said, in an inquiring tone, "Scratch?" "Bite," replied the lady. "Cat?" asked time Doctor. "Dog," rejoined the patient. So delighted was Mr. A. with the brevity and promptness of her answers, that he exclaimed, 'I Zounds, Madam, you are the most sensible woman I ever met with in my life." The following is a good story about a clergyman, who lost his horse one Saturday evening. After hunting for it in company with a boy until midnight, he gave up in despair. The next day he took for his text the following passage from Job: " Oh, that I knew where I might find him!" The boy, who had just come in, supposing the horse was still the burden of thought, cried out, "I know where he is, Sir ; he's in Tom Smith's stable!" "William," said a teacher to one of his pupils, " can you tell me why the sun rises in the east?" "Don't know, Sir," replied William, "'cept it be that the 'east makes every thing rise." Mr. Lamb, a King's Counsel, when Lord Erskine was in the height of his reputation, was of timid manners and nervous disposition, usually prefacing his pleadings with an apology to that effect; and on one occasion, when opposed, in some cause, to Erskine, he happened to remark that "he felt himself growing more and more timid as he grew older." "No wonder," replied the witty but relentless barrister, "every one knows the older a lamb grows the more sheepish he becomes." THE FAULTY PORTRAIT. All you sitters expect to be flattered, and very little flattery do you bestow. Perversely, you won't even see your own likenesses. Take, for instance, the following scene, which we had from a miniature painter: A man, aged about forty, had been sitting to him—one of as little pretensions as you can imagine ; you would have thought it impossible that he could have had a homeopathic proportion of vanity—of personal vanity, at least; but it turned out otherwise. He was described as a greasy, bilious man, with a peculiar, conventicle aspect—that is, one who affects a union of gravity and love. "Well, Sir," said the painter, "that will do; I think I have been very fortunate in your likeness." The man looks at it and says nothing—puts on an expression of disappointment. "What, don't you think it like, Sir?" says the artist. «Why—ye-ee-s, it is like—but—" "But what, Sir? I think it is exactly like. I wish you would tell me where it is not like." " Why, I'd rather you would find it out yourself. Have the goodness to look at me." And here our friend the painter declared that he put on a most detestably affected grin of amiability. "Well, Sir, upon my word I don't see any fault at all—it seems to me as like as it can be; I wish you would be so good as to tell me what you mean." "Oh, Sir, 1'd rather not—I'd rather you should find it out yourself; look again." "I can't see any difference, Sir; so if you don't tell me it can't be altered." " Well, then, with reluctance, if I must tell you, I don't think you have given my sweet expression about the eyes." The following trick is cold to have been played on Old Thornton, the theatrical manager: A bowl of negus, with a plug bottom, which could be withdrawn at pleasure, was once put before him; he filled his wine-glass but once, when the plug (it having been placed on a receptacle on purpose) was drawn, and the liquor taken away; in a minute or two he was about replenishing his glass, and saw the bowl empty; he paused a moment, then rang the bell to have it refilled; it was, and after he had taken two more glasses full, the trick was repeated : the second time he beheld it empty he gave his nose a long pull, and rubbed his eyes, as if he doubted whether he had slept or not ; but he ordered a third, and paid for the three bowls, evidentIy and entirely unconscious that he had not drank their contents. A LEARNED WIFE.—A Turk coming to a mosque beheld his wife in conversation with a strange man, and, entering, desired her to come away. The woman replied, "It is written in our sacred Koran, ' Thou shalt not command in any house but thy own.'" The husband asked what she was about. "Ask no questions," replied the wife; "for the Scripture says, ' Thou shalt not inquire about what does not concern thee.'" He again ordered her to come away, when she exclaimed, "The holy book declares that mosques belong to God; disturb not, therefore, his temple." He attempted to seize her, and she replied, "The Koran says, whoever is in a mosque, to that person it is an asylum." The husband was now confounded, and said, "Plague upon a learned wife! She has begun to study the Koran, and, I fancy, is come here to finish it." Even if a woman had as many locks upon her heart as she has upon her head, a cunning rogue would find his way into it. Red noses are sometimes light-houses to warn voyagers on the sea of life off the coast of Malaga, Jamaica, Santa Cruz, and Holland. What is the best line to lead a man with?—Crinoline. What is the best line to lead a woman ?—Masculine. QUESTION FOR ACTORS.—Can a man be said to work when he plays, or to be a sound man when he is continually in pieces? If falsehood paralyzed the tongue, what a death-like silence would pervade society! "Pitch-darkness" has been so improved in latter times as to read "bituminous obscurity." A wise man may be pinched by poverty, but only a fool will let himself be pinched by tight shoes. When a young lady hems handkerchiefs for a rich bachelor, she probably sews in order that she may reap. Abstemiousness and frugality are the best bankers. They show a handsome interest, and never dishonor a draft drawn on them by their humblest customers. When is a young lady like a poacher?—When she has her hair in a net. Mr. Partington expresses her apprehension that the people of the gold regions will bleed to death, as the papers are constantly announcing the opening of another vein.
DOMESTIC INTELLIGENCE.
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